The not-so-wonderful wizard of Oz
by thorn garmadon
Summary: My X-mas present to you all! A parody of the classic movie with a Ninjago twist! With my emo OC Thorn as Dorothy, Jay as a scarecrow (you can figure out the rest) and lots of singing and screaming, will they ever get back home? Plus what's with this weird wizard taking a bath in tea?


_Bubba: Hi! here's my x-mas gift to you all! XD hope you like it! I tried to make it as funny as possible! Be sure to review if you like it!_

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The not-so-wonderful wizard of Oz

(Warning: May cause laughter. This is a parody after all. Also minor strong language.)

After a really long day of being annoyed by the shadows, being dragged through various places (including Antarctica) by the shadows, being forced to do stuff for the shadows, and being bitched at by the shadows, Thorn needed to take a nap.

He crashed onto the bed, ignoring the shadows' annoying voices as he drifted into sleep.

The shadows got all mad and started to swirl around like crazy. It was like a twister out there. One that was full of annoying voices begging for fried chicken and was solid black.

A while later, Thorn woke up to someone jumping on him.

"Oof!"

"DADDY!" Xavier yelled in Thorn's ear, trying to get him to wake up.

Thorn groaned and pulled a pillow over his head. He sighed and in a muffled voice said to Xavier, "Not now... 'M trying to sleep..."

"The shadows picked up the whole house in a big whirly thing and we're in some tiny village."

"Wha...?" Thorn thought Xavier had officially gone crazy. But, this _was_ the shadows they were talking about.

"Yup, it's freaky. I think we squished somebody too."

Yep, Thorn thought, his son was insane.

Xavier bounced on Thorn, "Get up Daddy!" Thorn sat up and held Xavier's shoulders until the little boy was still. "Fine, I'm up, now I'll go see this weird little village."

Xavier dragged him outside.

"What the hell..." Thorn said as he looked around. There really was a little village. Xavier nodded, "Told you so, Daddy!"

Thorn looked at the side of the house. They had really squished somebody.

Xavier jumped up and down, "This is just like that movie Avie and me watched! The Wizard of Oz!" Thorn didn't bother correcting Xavier's grammar. He groaned, he had seen that movie. He guessed that he was supposed to be the Dorothy chick, and Xavier was going to be the annoying dog Toto.

Just great. Just goddamn great.

All of the sudden, the shadows in their chibi forms wearing freaky clothes came out of hiding places.

"Ooo! Look Daddy! The shadows are the munchkins!"

Why was Xavier so happy about this? Thorn sighed and shook his head, holding onto Xavier's hand so he wouldn't run off in his weird sugar high. He seriously hoped that Xavier wasn't on a sugar-high, that would be awful to deal with. Xavier was crazier than someone in a padded room when he was on a sugar high.

"Xavier, did you find that sugar?"

"Yup! It was awesome!"

Thorn sighed, "Oh damn..."

The shadow/munchkins were still singing, and a few were praising him for killing the witch.

"Yay! Thorn killed the witch! Yay! You've freed our village!"

"No I didn't!"

They all started to sing. Thorn covered his ears. Xavier was clapping, but couldn't sing along since he didn't know the words. All of the sudden a pink bubble landed next to the two Garmadons, and popped.

"MY EYES!" Thorn shouted as the bubble liquid hit his eyes, burning them. Xavier giggled.

Nya was in the place of the bubble.

As Thorn rapidly blinked, trying to get it to stop burning, Nya pointed her wand at the shoes of the witch.

Once Thorn could see again, he saw his shoes, "OH HELL NO. HELL. NO."

Xavier was laughing. Thorn was wearing the sparkly red shoes.

Nya smiled and spoke, "Since you killed the witch, you get her magic shoes."

Thorn was ready to explode. He was not wearing the pretty shoes. Sadly though, he was wearing the pretty shoes.

"I am NOT going to wear the stupid shoes!"

Nya glared at him, "Too bad, you have to wear the stupid shoes."

"I refuse to wear the stupid shoes! Get them OFF!"

"No! You have to wear the stupid shoes!"

"I don't want to wear the stupid shoes!"

"I wanna wear the stupid shoes!" Xavier shouted, smiling brightly. Thorn made a disturbed face and slung the sugar-drunk child over his shoulder, "Fine, I'll wear the stupid shoes...

"Wheee~!"

Thorn gave Nya a look that clearly said that he was going to kill her once Xavier was gone.

He told himself he was only wearing the shoes because it would be a ton more embarrassing if his own son willingly wore them.

Xavier made a sound of annoyance. He really wanted to wear them. He flipped over and went limp, "UGH." Thorn rolled his eyes.

There was a big flash of fire, and the shadows/munchkins all stopped singing and gasped, as did Nya.

"Mom!?" Thorn asked once the smoke cleared.

It was indeed Misako. She had a witch's outfit on though, and was holding a broomstick. She glared at Thorn. She looked at the squished witch under the house.

"Where are those shoes...?"

Xavier perked up, "Daddy has them!"

Misako looked at Xavier, "What...?" Thorn sighed. She noticed that Thorn was wearing the shoes, "Thorn! I bought those shoes yesterday! You can't come steal them! And since when did you have a son!? You're making me feel old! And what about the prophecies!?"

"I didn't want it wear them Mom! The prophecies are not about him, and it wasn't my fault, he was an accident!"

"Wheeeee~" Xavier somehow had grabbed a flower and was making it fly around like a plane.

"Shut up Xavier."

"Shhhhh..." Xavier shoosh papped Thorn. He grabbed Xavier's hand, "No." Xavier stuck out his tongue and wriggled around to lick Thorn.

"Xavier! Ew!"

Misako just stared at the two. _These idiots _were her own son and grandson? She sighed and shook her head. Thorn started to walk away, "Well, fun's over!"

Nya dragged the albino teen back, "No." Thorn scowled.

Misako glared at them, "I'll get you my pretty and your little boy too." She cackled and disappeared in a flash of fire.

"My _pretty_!?" Thorn hissed. Xavier laughed, "Grandma's funny!"

Thorn promptly facepalmed. He knew it was going to be a loooong day.

"How do we get back, Nya?"

"You just have to follow the yellow brick road to the emerald city and the Wizard of Oz will tell you how to get home."

He sighed, and Xavier cheered.

Thorn started walking, "Stupid life..." He put Xavier down, "I'm not carrying you the whole time."

"Okay Daddy!" Xavier started skipping down the road. Thorn grabbed Xavier's hand before he got out of reach.

They kept walking until the road split into two. Thorn tried to figure out which way to go, while Xavier stared at the scarecrow in the cornfield they were next to.

"Hi there!" The scarecrow shouted joyfully.

"Hi~!" Xavier waved.

Thorn pulled Xavier away from the talking scarecrow. He sighed, "Jay? Is that you?"

"Hi there little guy!"

"I'm not little."

"I am!"

"Be quiet Xavier." Thorn used his sword to cut Jay down, "Nya's back at the munchkin village, go have fun."

"But I wanna come with you! I need to see the wizard! He'll give me a brain!"

"You finally admit you don't have one."

Jay started to sing. Thorn covered his ears, "GAH! Shut up! You can come!"

The two cheered, "Yaaay!" Thorn hung his head, grabbed Xavier's hand, and kept walking down a path towards the forest. Jay grabbed Xavier's other hand and the two skipped together.

"We're off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of-"

"SHUT UP."

They stuck their tongues at the emo son of Garmadon. After a long while of walking, singing, skipping, and being yelled at, they made it to an apple orchard.

"Daddy 'm hungry!" Xavier tugged on Thorn's jacket. Thorn nodded, "Me too lil' bud." He plucked an apple from the nearest tree and handed it to Xavier.

"OW."

The trio jumped. The tree turned around to face them, revealing that it had Lloyd's face. Thorn stared at his brother, "Wha...?"

Lloyd glared at him, "Mom turned Dad and I into trees. Shut up."

"Hi Uncle Lloyd!"

"Hi Xavier!"

Thorn plucked another apple from Lloyd, "I dunno if this is cannibalism or what, but I'm starving."

"Ow! That hurts you know!"

Thorn bite into the apple, "Damn bro... You taste good!"

Lloyd threw an apple at Thorn, "You jerk!"

Thorn picked another apple and hit Lloyd in the face. Xavier watched as Lloyd pelted apples at Thorn. He was eating his apple. Jay was laughing. Thorn reached over to another tree and picked another apple.

"OW."

"Dad!?"

He got hit by an apple and fell over. The tree turned to reveal Garmadon. Thorn screamed as his brother and father tried to destroy him with apples. Xavier finished his apple and reached up at Jay.

Jay lifted Xavier to pick another apple. Jay got hit by a stray apple in the place that shall not be named and crumpled to the ground. Xavier shrieked as he hit the ground as well and was also hit by an apple, but in the stomach.

"Ow!" He launched the apple he had picked at Garmadon and nailed him in the eye. Garmadon fell into Lloyd, taking his oldest son down. Thorn pushed himself up, bruised all over from the apples. He pulled Xavier up and reluctantly helped Jay.

He dragged the two off, "C'mon! Before they get up!"

Once they were far away from the two trees, they stopped to catch their breath. Jay saw something and walked over to it, taking Xavier with him.

Thorn noticed this, "Hey! Where are you going?" He raced after them.

Jay smiled brightly, "It's Zane!"

Thorn sighed. Another ninja he had to deal with. They stood in front of the robot standing in the middle of the woods. Jay tapped him, "Zane!"

Zane struggled to say something. Jay spotted a thing of oil and grabbed it. He oiled Zane's gears until the nindroid could work well again. Zane spoke, "Thank you for finding me! The witch did this to me."

Jay stopped Zane, "You have to sing."

"NO." Thorn shouted at them, dreading another song. Xavier gave him a puppy dog face. Thorn sighed, struggling to deny the little redhead, "No."

Xavier pouted. Thorn started walking back to the path, "Come on idiots and Xavier." They ran after him, skipping, and Zane trying to copy Jay's skipping. Once he got the hang of it, he started singing with them.

Thorn wanted to die. But sadly he couldn't. One, because he was immortal, and two, because if he did, these two idiots would frolick around with his son all day and then get themselves killed by magic marshmallows or something.  
And three, if that happened, Lloyd or Misako might take in Xavier, and make him grow up to be a brony, or a bitchy jerk.

He was not willing to see the last one. He was fine if magic marshmallows killed the ninja.

He would pay to see that, actually.

They were passing an abandoned cabin when Misako appeared again.

"Give me back my shoes!"

"MOM. I want to! But the damn things won't come off!"

She glared at her youngest son and threw a ball of fire she conquered at him. Thorn ducked, letting the fireball hit Jay. Jay, being made out of straw, screamed and started running around, trying to get it off.

Thorn pulled Xavier away from Jay, "Bye Jay!"

Misako cackled, and watched as the poor ninja of lightning suffered. Zane put out the fire, and Misako shouted as she sped off, "I'll get you my pretty, and your little boy too!"

"Mom! You're embarrassing me!" Thorn pulled his hood lower, covering his face. Xavier was singing, "We're off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz!"

"Please be quiet Xavier..." Thorn grumbled, walking again.

They got to a dark forest. Jay was freaked out and clung to Thorn, "I don't wanna go in there!"

Thorn shoved him away by the face. Xavier hid behind Thorn, "It looks scary in there, Daddy!"

"That is adorable." Jay was again shoved away by his face. Thorn picked up Xavier, ignored the ninja's protests and continued walking down the path. Jay and Zane followed the two, not wanting to get lost.

Jay tried to convince Thorn to go back, "But there could be lions! Or tigers or bears! We could get killed!"

He was shoved away by the face yet again,

"One, lions live in the plains of Africa. Two, tigers live in jungles, and three, I'm pretty sure bears don't eat people. And you two could die, and I wouldn't give a damn."

"What if Xavier died?"

"That's not going to happen because I'm not going to let it happen."

"What if you die?"

"I'm immortal, idiot."

"Oh...right..."

Rolling his eyes, Thorn kept walking. Jay tried to strike up a conversation, "So, how's life going?"

"Horrible."

Jay sighed. He tried to think of something else, but something jumped out at them. He shrieked, and hid behind Zane. Thorn glared at the thing that was in front of him, "Cole?"

Xavier giggled, "Rawr!"

Cole looked terrified, "The witch took away all my-"

Jay screamed, "YOU HAVE TO SING!"

Cole glared at Jay, "I can't sing!"

Pushing past Cole, Thorn growled, "Good, because I refuse to hear any more singing!"

"Nom nom nom nom..." Xavier repeated that over and over, trying to pet Cole.

"Uh... Why's the kid all crazy?"

"Sugar."

"Ah. Well, anyways. Your mom turned me into this thing and took away all my courage. I want it back."

Xavier smiled brightly, "You can ask the Wizard! That's where we're going!" He stared at Cole for a while before adding, "You're naked."

There was a long awkward silence.

Cole's face burned. Thorn hung his head, "Why Xavier...? Why...?"

"I dunno. He just is. How should I know why?"

"Well," Zane put in, "technically he is an animal, and he has fur, so it doesn't count, Xavier."

"Oh..." Xavier nodded, and went back to silently staring at the ground.

"The kid is scaring me..." Cole muttered. Jay put his arm around Cole's shoulders, "He just takes after Thorny, that's all!"

"Do not call me Thorny!"

"Only Mommy can call Daddy Thorny!"

"Shut up Xavier..."

"Why does Mommy get to call you Thorny?"

Jay cleared his throat, "Well, you see lil' buddy, when a man and a woman love each other very much-"

He was shoved away by the face.

"Only I can call him that! And we do _not_ want to hear the birds and the bees! thank you very much. He's only a little kid."

"Well he's going to have to know one day."

"Shut up and let me feel like I'm supposed to. Young forever. This conversation is not helping."

"Well he's not going to be little forever!"

"Yes I am! Woooooooo~!

Xavier waved around like a ghost.

"You know Jay, maybe I'll be happier when he's a little bit older."

"But I wanna be carried around forever~!"

"Portable, but mature."

"Yaaaaaaaay!"

"Let's just keep walking..."

"We're off to see the wizard! The Wonderful Wizard of Oz!"

At the witches castle, Misako was viewing the group through a crystal ball she had gotten from the museum. She cackled as they got to a field of poppies. She cooed, "Poppies, poppies..."

Thorn shivered. He felt a chill down his spine for some reason. It was like he had just heard a nasty old lady cooing over something pretty.

Xavier wriggled out of Thorn's grip and pointed across the field, "There's the city!" He ran into the field.

"Xavier wait!"

Xavier felt like his sugar-high was wearing off. He yawned, feeling tired all of the sudden. He collapsed from exhaustion.

"The field is enchanted!" Zane exclaimed. Jay nodded, "It puts anyone who breaths in the scent to sleep!"

"We should go around, and not go in it..." Cole suggested.

The ninja started to continue walking down the path. Thorn glared at them, "Hey! But this is the fastest way! All we have to do is hold our breath!"

"Just leave the kid and let's go!"

"What the...!? No!" Thorn held the collar of his jacket over his mouth and nose, and went to get Xavier. He scooped him up, careful not to breathe in any of the poppies' scent. Xavier was out cold. Thorn nearly tripped as one of the heels on the slippers broke. He regained his balance quickly, and kept walking across the field.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing!?"

Thorn shouted back, his voice a bit muffled, "You idiots don't even have to breathe! Just carry Cole and hurry up!"

Cole tried to hold his breath the whole way, but failed almost a third of the way. Zane and Jay puffed as they were forced to carry the big beast.

"Why can't you carry him!?"

"I've got my hands full," Thorn replied, still covering his mouth and nose. They got to the gates of the Emerald City.

"Yes! I can breath normally again!" Thorn cheered. Jay and Zane put down Cole, giving Thorn a weird look.

Thorn noticed this and glared at them, "What?" The heel on the other slipper broke off and he tripped this time. He tried to stop Xavier from hitting the ground, but failed.

"You okay Thorny?"

"Shut the hell up Jay or so help me!"

"Help you? Okay!" Jay pulled Thorn up, "You're heavy!"

"No, you're just as weak as straw."

"Hey...oh, right."

Zane knocked on the door, "Hello?" It swung open, revealing a big city inside. Everyone was wearing green. In fact, everything was green.

"Ugh, it looks like my brother's closet threw up everywhere in here..." Thorn noted.

They ignored him, used to his emo comments.

Jay ran off to a spa place with Cole and Zane, telling Thorn to do whatever the hell he wanted.

There was a big door. Deciding that it was probably where the wizard was, he went up to it and banged on it. A slot opened and two brown eyes peered at Thorn, "What?"

"No-na? Is that you?"

"Yes, hi Thorn."

Thorn sighed. Another family member to deal with, his nerd cousin.

"I need to talk to the wizard."

"Nope, not allowed."

He reached through the hole, trying to grab No-na, "Listen! I really want to get back home, and to get these stupid shoes off!"

"What shoes?"

"They're bright red and all sparkly."

"Ah, well you're still not allowed, go away."

"You're the worst cousin ever."

"I'm your only cousin."

He grabbed No-na's glasses, and threatened, "I'll snap these if you don't let me see the damn wizard."

"I have a bunch of spares, go ahead."

Thorn couldn't remember his cousin ever being so stubborn and irritating. "Come on! I really really need to get home!"

"Not allowed."

"UGH!" He threw the glasses back through the slot. No-na put them back on, glad that he could see again.

"Just let me through."

"Sorry, I can't."

"You're so goddamn annoying!"

"I know. It's just the rules, no one can see the wizard without the wizard saying so." Thorn noticed the empty note in his cousin's voice.

"You okay cuz'?"

"Fine."

"Then please let us through!"

"Us?" No-na echoed.

"Xavier's with me. I've got to get him home. And to get the whole house back before Kadence freaks out."

"Good luck with that."

"Come on! I really need to get him home. He hit his head and I'm worried he might have a concussion or something!"

"You dropped him?"

"I tripped..."

"Fine, but this is the only exception." No-na opened the door and let his cousin through.

They went to a big room, and a ball of fire appeared on a throne.

"Hey Wizard!"

A booming voice shouted, "Who dares to interrupt my daily tea bath!?"

"I don't even want to know what that is."

"Who are you?"

"I'm Thorn."

"Thorn Garmadon?"

"Sadly."

The wizard muttered something that sounded like, "I'd know that emo voice anywhere..."

"Yeah, listen, I need to get home, so will you just tell me the way so I can get back?"

"I will tell you."

"Okay then, lay it on me."

"But first!"

Thorn sighed.

"You must kill the witch!"

"Really?"

"If you don't want to..."

Thorn was already walking away, "That's fine by me."

"But-"

"No problemo!"

"Listen-"

"It's my pleasure!"

The wizard sighed, wondering why Thorn was so happy to go and kill his own mother. The ball of fire vanished, and a man walked out from a curtain and went to a back room, "Now I can continue my tea bath in peace!" He chuckled.

Thorn grabbed Jay as he walked by, "We're off to kill the witch so the wizard will fix us."

"Okay!"

Cole didn't really want to go, but would rather deal with the witch than Thorn getting mad at him. He didn't like being so cowardly!

After a while of walking through the dark forest, they stopped in a little clear patch and looked at the witch's castle.

"Well, Mom's got good taste, that's all I can say."

"It looks scary..."

"Shut up Cole."

Zane piped up, "How is Xavier? Has he woken up yet?"

Jay poked Xavier, "Wake up little guy!" He kept poking him. Thorn smacked Jay's hand, "Stop that."

There was a loud shrieking in the distance. And the sound of many wing beats. They saw a big swarm of what looked like birds coming their way.

But, once they came into view, Thorn muttered, "Flying Kai's? You've got to be kidding me..."

It was true, there was a swarm of the fire ninja, all with monkey tails and bat wings. A bunch of them went at Jay, tearing him apart, pulling out his stuffing. They shouted stuff about him being annoying and dating their sister.

Zane was really the only one fighting them off. Cole was hiding behind him. Many of them were trying to lift Thorn up, but he was bitch-slapping them. One bit his hand.

"OW!"

They took the opportunity and grabbed him, lifting him into the air. They started to fly back to the castle.

Thorn was losing his grip on Xavier. One of the Kai's dug their claws into his arm, making him drop the tiny redhead.

"Xavier!"

Jay (who was still reduced to piles of straw) was chosen by fate to be the one who caught the little Garmadon.

"My face!"

"Ow!"

Zane chose to be the one to carry Xavier. Cole stuffed Jay back up.

"We gotta save Thorn!"

Xavier looked around, "Where's Daddy?" The ninja didn't answer. Xavier looked like he was about to start crying adorably.

And he did.

"Make him stop! I hate seeing little kids cry!" Jay shouted out. Cole covered his ears, his hearing had become more sensitive to high pitched sounds (like a descendent of Lord Garmadon crying).

Thus, the emotionless robot was left to deal with it.

And he did.

Like a boss.

"Stop."

He said it with such coldness that Xavier stopped.

A while later at the castle, Thorn was locked in a room "Mom! Let me out of here!"

"Give me back my shoes then!"

"I broke them, and I can't get them off!"

"I paid good money for those!"

"And I don't want to be locked in here! I have a life you know!"

Misako opened the door, and gave him a dirty look, "Stop acting like a child!"

"Well, technically if you go by look, I'm not ever going to be an adult. Forever young."

She rolled her eyes at him. Thorn noticed a big hourglass, "What the hell is that for?"

"Oh, I bought it on sale at Walmart."

"Does it have a purpose?"

"I thought it looked pretty. And it shows me things."

"Like... when it's time for dinner?"

"Exactly."

"And Xavier and those idiots frolicking toward the castle?"

"Wha..."

"I just am taking a guess that they probably want to rescue me. Or think that this is a magic castle full of candy and fun and talking rainbow ponies."

"That describes your brother's room."

"Well then I do not want to go in there..."

Meanwhile, the others were watching all of the witch's guards. They were trying to figure out how to rescue Thorn. They had gagged Xavier to keep him from making any noise, and he wasn't happy about it. He was flailing his arms and trying to shout at them.

"Be quiet kid."

"Mmmmmmffffft!" He pointed at the guards and then at them. He didn't seem to realize he could just pull the gag down off his mouth. He stomped his foot, said something that might have been a few curse words and then ran down towards the door. He slipped in.

"No! Get back here kid!"

Thorn had gotten really bored with the few minutes he was there. "Moooooooom. This cell is borrrrringggggga."

"Shut up!"

"But realllllly."

"Mfft!" Xavier skidded into the room. He figured out how he could talk and pulled down the cloth, "Daddy!" Misako picked up Xavier, "You look like your grandfather."

"Grandpa threw an apple at me."

She opened the door to Thorn's cell and shoved Xavier to him, "I don't like him."

"Geez. How do you think I feel sometimes? Xavier don't touch me. Your hands taste like Jay."

"Jay is squishy!"

"Let's play the quiet game."

Xavier nodded, and went silent. He loved playing games. Thorn rolled his eyes.

Outside, the ninja were trying to figure out how to save Thorn and find Xavier. Cole suggested they just leave and go back to the wizard. Jay hit him, "No!" Zane hadn't said anything and was staring at the skeleton guards.

"We should dress like the guards and sneak in to rescue them."

"Great idea Zane, but where are we gonna get uniforms?"

"Like this." Zane snuck down and grabbed a guard. He knocked the shocked skeleton out and removed the guard's uniform and armor. He put it on over his clothes and turned back to Cole and Jay.

Jay smiled and the two did as Zane did. Within a few minutes the three ninja were disguised as guards. They stepped into line and marched into the castle. No one noticed that they were the ninja and Jay wanted to laugh. They made their way to where Thorn and Xavier were and Zane unlocked the door.

"Hey Thorn, where's your mom?"

"I don't know. Let's just get out of here!" Thorn said as he picked up the tiny redhead. Xavier glared at them, still mad at them for gagging him. Thorn shoved past the three, desperately wanting to get out of there and back home before anyone noticed anything.

Misako spotted them just as they were about to leave, "Get them!"

"Come on, mom..." Thorn sighed.

The skeletons surrounded them, and Misako flew down on her magic broomstick. She cackled, "You'll never escape me, my pretty! And neither will that little boy of yours too!"

She shot fire at them and it hit Jay. The scarecrow screamed. Thorn grabbed a bucket of water and threw it at Jay, just wanting him to shut up. He hit Jay, but also got a large amount of water on Misako.

Misako screamed as she started melting. Thorn looked away and covered Xavier's eyes, "Damn that is _disgusting_..."

"I'm melting! I'm melting!"

"Yeah Mom, we get it. Shut up!"

"Grammy's dying, Daddy. And she's ugly."

"Yes, yes she is."

"Oh, what a world! What a world!" She repeated that over and over until she was a pile of slime.

Thorn pushed Cole forward and forced him to nudge the puddle with his foot. Once they were sure she was dead, Jay grabbed her hat and they began their trek back to the Emerald City.

People cheered once they were told the witch was dead. Thorn hurried with the ninja to the wizard' stronger room.

"Yo cuz. Let us in."

"What's the magic word?"

"Oh my god I do not have time for this..."

Xavier looked through the slot, "Pleeeeease?"

The door opened. They went to the wizard. The Wizard's weird head appeared and praised them for killing the witch.

"Yeah yeah, how do I get home?"

"I do not know."

"UGH. YOU MEAN I DID THIS FOR NOTHING!?"

"Well..."

As Thorn argued with the Wizard, Xavier squirmed out of his father' swarms and went over to a green curtain. He shouted, "Hey Daddy! Look at this!"

"At what?"

Xavier pulled the curtain and screamed. The ninjas all screamed too. Xavier ran back to Thorn, "Ewwww! Great Uncle Wu is naked!"

"UNCLE. WHY."

"I'M IN MY TEA BATH BE QUIET."

"YOU'RE GONNA MAKE US PUKE. Put some clothes on."

Wu stepped out of the bath. They made the mistake of looking again. Thorn kept Xavier's eyes covered until Wu pulled on a bath robe.

"You can look now, fools."

They reluctantly looked. They sighed in relief and Wu rummaged through a bag.

"Okay! You guys want stuff right? Jay, get over here."

Jay walked over and Wu hit him hard with his staff, "YOU'RE NOT STUPID ANYMORE. HA."

Jay held his head and sat in a corner.

"Zane, my favorite apprentice you want a heart right?"

"Yes, Sensei."

Sensei pulled out a red marker and drew a heart on Zane's chest. "There." Zane did not question Sensei.

"Cole, you want to be brave again?"

"Y-Yeah!"

"Thorn, close your eyes." Thorn turned around, "Kay."

Cole screamed and Thorn didn't know why.

"There. You'll never be afraid of anything else, you got that? Nothing is scarier than what you just saw."

Cole joined Jay in the corner, muttering the word 'forget' over and over.

"And Thorn, my least favorite nephew, I cannot solve your problem. You'll have to deal with life and the monsters it calls women."

"Uncle. Stop."

"I will undo this robe if you annoy me!"

"Okay okay! Geez, don't do it. There are innocent children here."

"That's what No-na said but I made him my servant and now he has to look at this whenever I desire a fresh change of clothes or a bath."

"I...I feel so sorry for him..."

"Half of him came from these things so he should deal with it!"

Thorn felt like he was going to throw up. He covered his mouth.

"What does that mean, Daddy?"

"Ask your mother that when we get home. She'll explain. That or Google it."

"Okay!"

Wu clapped his hands, "Servant! I require tea!"

No-na trudged in, holding a cup of tea, "Here you go, Grand Master Wizard."

"Good servant! You earn NOTHING." Wu hit him with his staff. No-na walked away quickly, muttering under his breath.

"Then how did you two get here, Uncle?"

"We went on a hot air ballon but the person controlling it fell out because he was a fool. And then we crashed here. No-na didn't enjoy it at all, even though it was peaceful. I think he's scared of heights."

"I think he was just scared that you were driving. He probably thought he was going to die. He has a life to live, you know."

"Oh...that makes sense. Ha! Maybe you can use the balloon."

"Eh...maybe."

"Come on! I'll show you and then we can leave! NO-NA! We're leaving."

"Finally!" He came back and was hit again with the staff. No-na looked fed up with his father but said nothing.

Wu greeted all of the Emerald city citizens, "HELLO MY BELOVED FOOLS!"

"Hello Grand Master Wizard!"

"I must leave, my fools! And your new king shall be Jay Walker! The lightning scarecrow ninja! Bring my balloon so my nephew, his weird chinchilla and my son who was absolutely adopted may leave!"

The albino was starting to understand why No-na's mind was so screwed. He patted No-na's shoulder, "I feel so sorry for you."

"He's been acting like this for weeks..." The brunette looked like he was going to cry.

The citizens brought out the balloon and Wu jumped in. He grabbed his son and dragged him in too. As he waved goodbye, and right before Thorn got in, the balloon took off. Zane had undone the ropes.

"BYE FOOLS!"

"GODDAMNIT!" Thorn shouted.

"Daddy when are we gonna go home?"

"Looks like we're walking."

"Don' wanna...'m tired Daddy..."

There was a bright flash and Nya appeared. Thorn grabbed her and shook her, "YOU BITCH THAT WAS THE WORST ADVICE YOU COULD HAVE EVER GIVEN I WILL KILL YOU OR SO HELP ME GET THESE SHOES OFF AND SEND ME HOME."

"Geez, calm down squirt. You just have to tap your heels together three times and say 'I wish I could go home'."

"WHY COULDN'T I DO THAT WHEN I FIRST GOT HERE. UGH. I AM NEVER TRUSTING ANY OF YOU AGAIN."

"JUST DO IT ALREADY!"

Thorn tapped his heels together, "Damnit...I wish I could go home." Everything went blank for a moment.

"Daddy! Daddy wake up! We're home!" Xavier shook Thorn. Somehow they were back where they had started.

"Shhhh. We never left this house...we've been sleeping the whole time...Okay? Forget all about that wackjob place. And. Never. Tell. Your. Mother. Okay?"

"'Kay Daddy." Xavier crawled underneath the blankets and snuggled against Thorn, falling asleep.

THE END~


End file.
